Dress uP: Golden Globes Fashion Report Card

19 01 2010

I look forward to the Golden Globes each year like most people look forward to the Superbowl. As a matter of fact, while my husband was watching the Jets advance to the playoffs on the flat screen, I was huddled in the bedroom, armed with a blackberry, laptop and a miniscule TV to be a part of the red carpet promenade.

This year it was raining in LA and as everyone knows, celebs are not supposed to eat after midnight or get wet, so it was even more exciting than usual.  Unfortunately, I think the rain washed away most of the style this year, especially in the hair department,  making for even juicier commentary (many thanks to my mom and the McGuire girls for adding their valuable insight).

And so, without further ado, I present my Golden Globes Fashion Report Card.

A+  Jane Krakowski

Jane Krakowski

The fashion star of the night, Jane got everything right from the beautiful amethyst colored gown to the soft, Old Hollywood hair. Extra points for not looking like an emaciated girl-woman bobblehead.

A Marion Cotillard

Marion Cotillard

Even though I have a secret girl crush on Marion Cotillard, that does not give her a free pass with her awards show garb. She took a risk with this Dior gown and made the A-list on her own accord.

A- Emily Blunt

Ms “one stomach flu away from my ideal weight” Blunt looked ravishing in this Dolce & Gabbana gown. I only wish she had put as much thought into her hair as she did everything else.

Emily Blunt

B+ Jennifer Garner

Jennifer Garner

Despite the fact that Mrs Garner-Affleck is in desperate need of a burger, her Versace had just the right amount of sparkle so as not to look like a left over Dynasty extra (cough, Toni Collette, cough).

B- Cameron Diaz

Cameron Diaz

I may be alone in my love of this red bias-cut gown, but Cameron really stood out among a sea of neutral and she’s probably the only person in the world who could have made this work.

B- Lea Michele

Although I feel as though this dress is better suited for a taller woman, I love the old school glamour and the touch of color in the earrings.

Lea Michele

C+ Kate Hudson

Stripper pumps? Check. Dress made completely out of dinner napkins? Check. The only reason Kate wasn’t bumped into D-town was the beautifully styled hair and makeup, the classic jewelry and the fact that she didn’t land flat on her face trying to walk in that getup.

Kate Hudson, the human origami

C Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I think I get what you were trying to go for here: that sexy, saucy 50’s housewife thing. Sadly, that Mary Poppins meets the Tin Man debacle took a detour right into ugly town.

C- Drew Barrymore

Drew Barrymore and Sonic

I hope Drew had her shots before that wild hedgehog attached itself to that flimsy ass gown.  And do we even need to address the fact that her support garments are shining through for all to see? Thankfully, Cover Girl helped a sister out with her makeup and sent over a few extra Lash Blasts.

D+ Julia Roberts

Why didn’t anyone tell poor Julia that the Golden Globes dress code has not changed to business casual this year? With the exception of the stilettos I would probably wear this outfit to work

Julia Roberts

D Chloe Sevigny

The only reason Chloe didn’t get the D- spot was because she took a chance on the color. Otherwise, this gown looks like it was recycled from Ariel’s closet in Footloose. All she needs is a side of Bacon and some crazy dance moves and we’ve got a senior prom.

Chloe Sevigny

D- Julianne Moore

I think I made something like this in 8th grade Home Ec.  Who in their right mind would waste a gorgeous figure on what looks like a bed sheet with a feather boa stapled to it? I’ve seen Julianne walking through the West Village looking better than this.

Julianne Moore

F Mariah Carey

I don’t know what was more painful: Mariah being stuffed into that gown like a Polish sausage into casing or my eyeballs being assaulted by her angry, lopsided implants. All that talent and yet none can be channeled into her wardrobe.

Mariah Carey and the twin terrors

Honorable Best Dressed Mentions: Christina Hendricks (Mad Men), Olivia Wilde, Jennifer Aniston (minus the hair hanging in her face), Sigourney Weaver

Honorable Worst Dressed Mentions: Halle Berry, Patricia Arquette, Anna Paquin, Cher (surprise, surprise)

Be sure to check back in March for the fashion parade to end all fashion parades: The Academy Awards!

Many thanks to justjared.com for the photos.