Dress uP: Top 5 Fashion Mistakes

23 07 2009

I recently uncovered a shoebox of floppy disks containing the original Miss P. fashion tips. These were from back in the days where blogs were something of the distant future and the fashion word was spread via cut and paste email. Many of them are a little too early millennium to still be relevant, but this one rings true even today. Ladies, I give you:

Top 5 Fashion Mistakes Women Make:

 1) Bad Slogan Tees—Why do women wear T-shirts with innovative slogans such as “I Go from Zero to Bitch in 30 seconds,” or “I Like to Make Boys Cry,” or “FBI=Fabulous, Beautiful, Intelligent,” or “HOTTIE”?  I hate these stupid T-shirts.  You know the ones I’m talking about, too.  They’re usually found at Strawberry’s or other stores geared towards teenagers.  First of all, don’t insult teenagers by pushing this crap on them and second of all, don’t tempt those fashion-disabled women who don’t know any better.

So hilarious, they made it in black AND red

"Women who pay their own rent don't have to be nice!" So hilarious, they made it in black AND red

 2) High-waisted women and the matter of tucking—This is a very sensitive issue with me since I AM one of those women in question.  As a general rule, I try to avoid tucking completely since I don’t fancy that “waistband under the boobs” look.  By avoiding the tuck, you elongate your torso, therefore evening out your leg-to-torso ratio.  If you believe that a tuck spiffs up your look, I suggest Low-Rise pants.  They sit lower on the hip and really flatter the high waisted women.  Plus, they are much more comfortable than pants with a waistband above the navel.

3) Panty Lines—Good Lord, panty lines are the quickest way to draw attention (in a bad way) to your derriere.  If a thong is not an option for you, here are 3 other ideas:

            1.) Seamless undies

            2.) No undies- not for everyone, I know

            3.) Pants in the next size up

Admit it ladies…every time you see someone in a pair of GAP khakis with that telltale sausage roll in the caboose, you snicker. Admit it.  Avoid this situation for yourselves!

4) Bra situations—Women always seem to be complaining about people staring at their chests.  Although I don’t mock their complaints, it’s very hard NOT to stare at someone’s chest when they are wearing a bumpy lace bra under a T-shirt, or a black bra under a white shirt, or a bra that’s about 3 sizes too small underneath a tiny little tank top, creating the “double bubble.”  Before you beat someone with your shoe for staring at your rack on the subway, take a look at what’s poppin’ through first. Or better yet, go for a proper bra fitting. La Petite Coquette in Union Square does complimentary bra fittings and has beautiful bras in all price ranges. 

 5) Too-short pants—There are cropped cigarette pants.  There are capris.  And then there’s just too damn short.  Try the “regular” or “long” length there, puddle jumper.

So there you have it. Five simple rules to a smarter, more fashionable you.

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3 responses

24 07 2009
Laurie

I remember this Fashion Tip from way back when – Good advice then Good advice now –

25 07 2009
Kathy D.

To add to your examples of stupid slogans on Tee’s: “Future MILF” or “MILF”. First of all, that term is one of the most assinine things I’ve ever heard. Plus if you have to slap it on your chest, you’re obviously neither one now, nor will you be in the future.

31 07 2009
alysonph

The MILF shirts kill me.

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